Chapter 6: What Hurts, Helps
I can't go see Charlie. I am too afraid that Edward will be there. I am sorry and I am a coward.
There is a family barbeque in the park. Not mine. The father is playing baseball with his son. The mother is talking with a group of ladies dressed in pretty fucking dresses, even though it is cold enough to freeze a witch's tit. I wait until they are all fully distracted and grab a bag of chips, a coke and two burger patties from a plate. They get shoved into my bag and I haul ass before anyone catches me.
I walk all the way to the train station before I pull out the chips. I eat them as I look for a bench to sit on. There is one free by the ticket counter. No one looks at me as I scarf my food down. This place is full of weirdoes and I am quite normal in comparison.
I sit for awhile and let my food digest. My eyes scan the platform and I feel a jab of pain when I see a brown pair of leather shoes I know all too well. Mike is standing next to a new girl. I remember her from the club. She has huge breasts – fake – and gets great tips. They are laughing and he is touching her face like he used to do to me. He still has his wedding band on.
I lose my lunch half-way to the restrooms.
"Thanks for the loan. I'll pay you back, I promise." I think for a minute. "I can…you know…until then."
Emmett arches a brow. "You know I don't do that shit. Pretty as you are, I love my wife, Bella. I do this shit on the side to prove it."
"I know," I nod and shove the money in my bag. "Rosalie is lucky."
"No she isn't. But as long as she has a nice house and my kid can go to college someday, I'm good with my sins as a husband."
"Lying isn't that bad. Look at me. You could do worse, Emmett."
"I lie and I fucking commit crimes, Bella. My wife doesn't know who the fuck I really am or what I am capable of and believe me, if she did, she'd fucking gut me." He pulls his shirt over his head, tossing the old one into his Jeep and changes. With the baseball cap and green pants, he looks like any other normal working man; making an honest living.
It is snowing and I have a bottle to keep me warm. I only bought one, the rest of the money I need to pay for the room. Emmett's money won't go far and I don't want to sleep in the snow this week. The colored lights look pretty fucking beautiful on the powdery white. I want to play, but it's too warm inside and I am too drunk to move from the window.
The parasite is quiet, finally.
Some twat named Jasper calls my cell phone. I ask him how the fuck he got my number and he won't tell me shit, except that he would like to talk. I tell him to go fuck off, unless he is willingly to pay me for my time.
He hangs up and my minutes run out.
I am in pain. Serious, serious pain. There is blood in my underwear and I am freaking the fuck out. If it weren't for the pain, I'd be happy and thinking that I got my damn period. But the pain is immense; telling me something is fucked up. I can barely move and the preacher in my mind is telling me that I shouldn't have drank. Like I don't know that shit.
I hold my stomach and try to make it back to the bed. I feel like I am going to faint. My body is cold and I am shaking. I don't want to, but I don't know what else to do. I reach for the receiver of the motel room's phone and ask the Operator for the hospital. I ask the person who answers there for Dr. Cullen and she asks which one. Like I fucking care at this point. Just give me a damn doctor. I say Edward and she asks me to hold.
He takes a few minutes to come to the phone and I am dying. I am also feeling guilty; thinking he is way too busy to be bothered by my ass, who can't even pay him for his time. The pain goes a level higher. Fuck.
"Dr. Cullen, speaking, how may I help you?"
There is a pause. "If this is an emergency, you should call 911, Ma'am."
"Fuck, you have to be the shittiest doctor ever." I roll my head into the pillows and bite so I don't scream.
"No, fucking Santa Clause."
His voice is anxious. "What's wrong?"
"Do you not understand dying?"
He is quiet for a minute. I hear the fucking candy in his mouth. "Where are you? Tell me what exactly is wrong, so I can help."
"There's a pain in my stomach and….blood. I think I am seriously dying."
"Blood where? How much blood? And where are you?" He is asking someone for a pen. Fuck. This was a bad idea.
"In my underwear, I don't know how much. I don't have a fucking measuring cup handy."
"Tell me where you are and I can send an ambulance there."
"No. I don't want to go to the hospital."
He huffs into the phone. "Bella, I can't help you from where I am. Chances are, you are having a miscarriage. I need to see you here, as soon as possible."
"Hospitals scare me. Fuck, I am going to die."
"Bella tell me where you are. I'll come to you, okay?"
"Fucking Lodge Motel. Room 216."
I take the whole time waiting for him to make it to the door to unlock it. I can barely walk I can barley think. My body collapse back on the bed and when the door opens, I feel relieved. It would suck to die alone. I am balled up and he has a bag in his hand. He sits it on the floor and takes a seat next to me on the bed. His hand goes to my forehead; first his palm, then the backside. It reminds me of Charlie and I close my eyes to push the tears away.
"I need to check you," he says softly and I know what he means. I try to roll to my back and it fucking hurts.
"I'm gonna die, aren't I?"
"No, you're not going to die, Bella." His eyes are telling the truth. "I have to take your bottoms off."
"I knew you wanted in my pants."
He pauses and looks at me unamused. "I take my job seriously, Bella. This is strictly professional, but if you're going to make it something else, I can leave and you can call 911."
I panic. "No, don't leave…just….I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
He is gentle and slow in his movements. Hundreds of men between my legs and a fucking doctor giving me an exam is what makes me uncomfortable. What is wrong with me? I close my eyes and let him do whatever he is doing. There are rubber gloves on his hands and it is cold. He leaves and walks to the bathroom, returning with some towels and continues to work. He takes off his gloves and presses his hands to my stomach, asking me if it hurts when he does it.
I say no and he nods.
"I don't think it's a miscarriage, but I would like for you to see my friend. He knows more about this than I do; seeing as how I treat children and he is OBGYN."
"You're a Pediatrician?"
"What do you think is wrong?"
"You probably have an infection. It happens."
"I haven't had sex since….since this thing happened."
"It doesn't have to come from sex. Pregnant women are more susceptible to infections. My office assistant got Urinary Track Infections all the time when she was pregnant with her son." He looks around the room. "Do you have clean clothes somewhere?"
"My bag is on the bathroom counter."
I watch him as he walks there and returns with clothes. He replaces the bottoms he took off and takes a seat on the bed next to me.
"Think you can sit up? We should go see my friend; just in case I am wrong."
He holds out his hand, but it isn't enough. I am in too much pain and he helps me, placing my arm around his neck and hoists me up. I feel like a kid and helpless and I fucking hate it, but there is nothing I can do about it.
He takes me and his bag and a towel with us to his car. He puts me in the backseat and I lay down. The ride isn't very long and he plays some classical shit the whole way. I want to bust his balls about it; but I don't have the energy. He helps me into the new doctor's office and I am unfairly put ahead of the other patients. The new doctor is nice and Edward sits in the room, in the corner while I am examined. He could have left, but he doesn't. I hear him fidgeting with his phone and I imagine I am truly fucking up his day.
The new doctor agrees with Edward's diagnosis and says I have a pelvic infection. Well, lad-di-da. This thing just keeps making my life better and better. He gives me drugs and at least I have that to look forward to. The ladies in the waiting room smile as we exit. Not at me, at Edward. He is helping me and they assume he is mine. It is all wrong and I am truly going to fuck up his life and marriage if assumptions keep being made.
I am in less pain and sit in the passenger seat this time. He turns on the car, but pauses, staring out the windshield. "You should eat something before you take this." He hands me the medicine. "What would you like?"
"I'm fine. You should just take me home." I look into my lap and he doesn't move.
"There are places on the way."
"I left my money at the motel."
"I don't think five dollars is going to kill me, Bella."
"Can you just take me home?"
"If you'll eat. Yes."
He buys me a burger from some fast food place and grumbles about how he just contributed to the fattening of America. I eat as he drives and he talks on his phone. His conversation sounds sweet and I am trying to figure out if it's the Wife. I know it's a woman; I can hear her. He tells her he loves and misses her and I am pretty damn sure it is the Wife. Guilt takes over me and I feel the burger rise in my throat. I am fucking up his shit.
I go to climb out when we get to the motel and he climbs out too. I walk awkwardly up the steps and he keeps a hand under my elbow. He has the key in his pocket and unlocks the door, allowing me in. I turn and he hands me the key.
"Thank you." I feel like I should do more, but I know he won't take my offers and I have nothing else but that. He reaches in his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He hands me his card and I stare at it.
"You can call whenever you need me. That's my office and my cell. My sister Alice owns the bakery I go to. She can find me anytime, too."
I look at him and want to say something, but can't. I nod and take a step back.
"Get some rest, Bella." I just keep nodding and close the door. His card gets tucked into my bag and I repeat the number over and over until I commit it to memory.
I spend most of the day in bed. Some kid left a flyer on my door for pizzas that were on special. I order one and eat most of it. There is a marathon of Law and Order on and I watch every episode, wishing Detective Goren was real and all mine.
Even though I might see Edward here, I have to do it. Charlie needs to see me and I cannot miss two Sundays in a row. I look around and all seems clear. I walk to his grave, but have to stand. The ground is covered in snow. It was hard to find his plaque. I don't know what to say today. I don't really have any stories. I don't want to tell him about my problems. It's cold and I hold my arms around myself.
An hour passes and I see Edward's car pull in. I can't leave; the entrance and exit are the same. I could walk away, but he would see me. There is no where to hide. I lower my face and hope he'll just ignore me and do what he came to do. He goes to the same place as normal and squats down. He has flowers again and rests them on the ground. I look away as he stands, but glance through my lashes. His hands are in his pockets and he is staring down.
I take this chance to leave and hurry my way to the exit, but the snow is thick and I trip over myself. I try to get up quickly, but it is not quick enough. I hear his foot steps and look over my shoulder to see him leaving, too. He smiles and nods to acknowledge me, but says nothing. I face forward and keep walking until he calls my name. He is standing by his car.
"Would a like ride home?"
"I'll take the bus."
"I have heated seats."
I can't help the smile that appears on my face. I roll my eyes and walk towards his stupid car. He cranks the heat and points it in my direction.
"I need to make a stop on the way. Hope you don't mind." I shake my head and he hits play for the music. It's Jazz this time and I can't seem to knock him. He stops at the bakery and I am confused.
"My mother makes me bring food to church," he explains. "Come inside and get something hot to drink." He climbs out of the car and I follow. I don't walk with him and I don't want his sister to see me. I don't want to fuck up his shit.
"You're late!" She is smiling when she says it and he smiles and hugs her.
"Better than never," he pulls money out of his wallet and tosses it on the counter. He doesn't look at me but asks as he eyes the menu. "What are you getting, Bella?"
His sister hands him back the money and he refuses to take it. "Bella?" He looks at me this time, as does the girl at the counter. I eye the sign quickly and blurt out a regular coffee. Small. He shakes his head at me and changes it to a hot chocolate and orders a tea for himself, but then decides he wants a hot chocolate, too.
"I need to use the restroom before we go. Sorry." He excuses himself and I have no idea where to stand or what to say or what to do. My feet tap anxiously and I fold my arms over my chest. The girl places three boxes on the counter and two hot chocolates.
"So, you're the infamous Bella," she smiles. I just nod and look around trying to avoid her gaze. "I'm glad my brother found you. He wouldn't shut up about it." She is still smiling and extends her hand. "I'm Alice."
I step forward and shake it. She pushes the hot chocolate to me and I take a sip. Edward returns and picks up the boxes, thanking his sister. I hold the door for him and he smiles. The boxes go in the back seat and it smells incredible in his car. The Parasite wants something. At the red light, he reaches back and grabs one of the doughnuts from the box. He pulls it apart and offers me the bigger half. I shake my head and he rolls his eyes.
"You'd be doing me a great service. I shouldn't be eating this stuff." I reach out and take it and it is honestly the best doughnut I have ever experienced. Edward smiles and licks his fingers before picking up his hot chocolate. "Thank you," he says.
I look at him, confused. He places the cup back into the holder. His eyes stay forward and his voice is low. "Usually, Sundays are not so enjoyable."
I nod and look down at my hands.
I don't know what else to do.