Chapter 38: For Him, Yes
Thirty minutes after he leaves, he comes back. I shake my head.
"I told you I wasn't going to leave, Freak. You don't have to check on me."
He rolls his eyes. "I'm not. Rosalie didn't come in today, so, I need help."
"Oh, I'm sorry Dr. Cullen, but I reserve wearing my PHD hat for Tuesdays."
He's not amused. "Funny. I just need you to answer phones and stuff. No degree required."
I put my hand on my hip. "You're really taking this way too far. Having an ex-hooker wash your underwear is one thing. Having an ex-hooker work in your office while you treat children is another, Cullen. You're sick. Truly sick."
He sighs in irritation. "Bella, I am already keeping my patients waiting by having to come all the way back home for you. I'd appreciate a little cooperation. Please."
"Fine." I toss the rag on the counter and start towards the steps so I can change. He calls after me and I spin to face him.
"If you come back down here wearing the nurse's uniform, I am never speaking to again, Bella."
And I smile and the little shit knows me way too well.
"This is my friend Bella. She's going to help us out until Esme comes. Please be nice to her."
In his office, I am put next to a chubby lady named Lauren. She has a jar of M&M's on her desk. The parasite wants them. She reaches for a handful. This lady is my Savior. She offers me some.
"Thanks." I take a handful and as soon as they hit my mouth I gag. I spit them back out and she stares at me. "I'm so sorry."
"That's okay, Hun." She offers me the trash can and I dump the handful of candy into it.
I don't know what hell I was thinking. She's looking at me for explanation.
"Um….I'm pregnant." It's the truth, but it's also a lie.
Her face understands. "I was the same way, Hun. Something looked good to the eyes, but not to the belly." She smiles and goes back showing me what to do. I wipe my hand on a tissue.
"Um, is there a restroom? I'm kind of sticky."
"Second door in the hall. On your left."
I wash my hands and fix my hair. I should have ironed this shirt. It looks like shit. I rinse the candy taste from my mouth and dry my hands once last time. Am I stalling? Yeah, I'm fucking stalling. This isn't my scene. I exit the restroom and see Edward at the end of the hall.
He is leaving the room with a patient. The parent's are talking with him and he doesn't see me. I watch him. I watch the way the parents look at him. How the little girl looks at him. It's the way people should look at him.
Shit. They are leaving and they see me. I press my back to the restroom door and let them by. The mother smiles at me and the father doesn't look at me the way I expect him to. They just pass by. I'm just some girl with a name tag and a nice shirt in a nice office.
"How's it going?" He asks.
"Fine." I walk back into the receptionist area and find my seat.
Lauren looks at Edward. "So, any idea what is wrong with Rosalie? She only said she wasn't feeling well on the phone."
Edward is stealing candy from her desk. "No. I'm sure she's fine though." He's looking at a paper on her desk. "Seriously? Jacob Black is scheduled to be in again? What is going on with this kid?"
Lauren laughs. "I think he likes it here."
Edward groans. "You need to put him with Esme. I've already had my fair share of spitting and kicks to the knee for the month. He's a lot nicer to her."
I smile and start filing the papers like she asked me to.
"Sure thing, Dr. Cullen." Lauren writes on her paper.
I don't hear him, but I feel him. I know he's watching me. It makes me nervous. Not being able to fold towels perfectly is one thing. Messing up documents in his business is another. I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel fingers scratch my head and when I look up, he gives me a wink before he exits.
"So, how long have you known, Dr. Cullen?"
I look back to Lauren. "Um…not too long."
"He's sweet, right?"
I nod, though there is so much more than that.
There is a little girl by the half-swing door to our area. Her hands are raised in question.
"Where's Voctor Shullen?"
I can't but laugh. Lauren does too. She talks to her. "He's busy, Darling. Would you like a lollipop while you wait?"
Lauren looks out to her parents. They nod and she hands her the candy. She doesn't go away. She rambles on and on about why she is here and what she had for breakfast and what some kid at daycare did and shit kids talk a lot.
I hear Edward. He's being playful. "Are you bothering my girls, Emily?"
Her whole face lights up. "Voctor Shullen!"
He pauses by the door, looking down to her. "You're eating candy; that must be a yes." He looks at us. I point to Lauren. She points to the kid's parents.
"They said it was alright."
Edward sighs, but his face smiles. He looks back to the girl. "You wouldn't be so happy to see me if you knew what you were here for."
Her face scrunches and he laughs. Lauren calls her parents over and they follow him down the hall. We go back to working. It's pretty busy. I've got a hang of the filing thing. It's not too hard. I don't like answering the phones. It makes my stomach hurt. I'm terrified of someone asking something I don't know and saying something stupid. I also don't like how my voice sounds. It's fake and cheery and not me. Lauren is better at it.
"Bella?" I look at Lauren. "I'm going to order lunch from next door. Would you like something, too?" She slides me a take-out menu.
I read it over. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do for lunch. Edward didn't say anything. I don't know if he's going to Alice's bakery. If he's not, he'll starve.
"Can I ask Edward…Dr. Cullen…what he wants me to do for lunch? He never really said anything and I should probably ask, first."
"Thanks. Um…just a second." I get up and find his office. Thankfully, he is in there. He looks up at me, but then keeps working.
And the level of wanting to fuck him here raises another notch. I close the door and walk to his desk.
"Hi. Um…I wasn't sure what you were doing about lunch?" I hold out the menu.
He takes it. "Oh….right." He rubs his face. He looks at his watch. "It's too busy to leave. Just order something from there, please. The girls have money at the desk." He hands me back the menu.
"Alright." I look it over, trying to figure out what the hell he would want. I chew on my finger. I glance at him and he's staring at me. He's hungry. Not for food.
"Unless you're gonna do something with that look, Cullen, put it away."
His hand grabs my hip. He slides me over to him and rolls his chair back a little. I stand in between his legs. His hands slide up, over my ass, then rest on my hips. He rubs small circles. He looks at me.
"Have I told you how beautiful you are, today?"
Lips kiss my stomach. He knows I won't answer. He knows that he has. It doesn't have to come from his mouth. His eyes tell me. His lips tell me. His fingers on my head tell me. Him letting me simply be here among those who work for him and respect him tells me.
"And you smell good, too."
His face rubs along my stomach. More kisses. I feel them in between my legs. His hands hold my sides. His thumbs rub just under my breasts. I kneed my fingers into his neck, at the nape of his hair.
"Maybe I should just have Bella for lunch."
And my mouth is stupid. "Lauren is waiting for me."
His is not. "She works for me."
And his thumbs brush over my breasts. My nipples. My fingers curl into his hair. I need to shut the fuck up. I need to just sit my ass on his desk and spread wide. I need to just push him back and crawl into his lap and fuck him senseless. I'm not the one in control, though. He is and he decides. He pulls me into him. I straddle his lap. He presses his lips into my neck. He is needy and sweet and I hold his hair so tightly it has to hurt.
"I want you so much, Bella."
My eyes close and I know it's wrong, but fuck I don't know how to be right. I don't want to be. No, fuck that. This is right. He is right. I find his mouth and assault him with my own. His hands shove into my hair. I love his tongue. I love his mouth. He kisses so good. I have nothing to compare it to, but I don't need to. It's fucking good. I don't want to feel other ones.
I want this. Just this. I slide my hands down his chest. I fumble with his belt. The zipper. I hold onto him as he stands up and I'm placed on his desk. I push his pants down. He pushes my skirt up. I push down his boxers. He draws my panties down my legs. I hold onto his neck and lean back. He pulls me to the edge of the desk. Papers fall.
My face is held in his palms. He slows his kisses. His mouth is softer. Lighter. I'm tingling all over. Goose-bumps are all around. Lips press into the corner of my mouth. Forehead presses to mine. He lowers his hands and palms the desk. One on each side of me. My nerves are coiled. I want to scream. Never, ever wanted anything so much. Anyone.
It's slow and blissfully painful as he pushes forward. This ache is welcomed and adored. It's the prelude to what is building. He fucks so good. He fucks so, so, good. It's slow, but plenty. He knows how to use himself. He knows how torment me. He knows how to pleasure me. He fucks so, so, good. His teeth nip the skin by my ear.
"Do I feel perfect to you, Bella?" And I'm not Sweetheart or Baby or Doll-face or anything stupid. I'm just Bella. I nod and nip him back.
He whispers again. "You feel perfect to me, too."
He pulls down the corner of my top. He kisses my shoulder and moves faster. Harder. Better. He fucks so, so, good. I wrap my legs around him and put my mouth on his neck. I nip. I kiss. I suck. He tells me he likes it against my skin. He tells me he likes it when he leans forward and I spread wider. He tells me he likes it with his eyes when he looks at me. I like looking at him. He doesn't degrade me. He doesn't turn me into someone else. I'm just Bella. He's just Edward.
"You're gonna make me come." I close my eyes and I feel his lips on my face.
His need grows faster. And it happens. His mouth covers mine to hide it. Mine. His. Only a soft grunt from his throat. He slows and stops. He keeps his place inside of me. He assaults me with kisses and holds me to him. His body draws itself from mine. His forehead rests on my shoulder. I pet his head as he catches his breath.
I'm teasing. "This is why you don't ask whores to work for you in a serious setting."
A tired laugh leaves his chest. "Shut up, Bella."
I laugh a little and he leans away. When he cradles my face this time, it's different. I've never known kisses so genuine. So sweet. They feel like something. They make me feel like something. I close my eyes and allow myself this. He spoils me. My face. I open my eyes to make sure it's real. He's real.
Green eyes don't lie. "You're too precious, Bella." And more kisses. And more green eyes. He wants me to believe what he says. "You're too precious."
"Lauren is probably wondering where the fuck I am with her menu."
He laughs again. "I'm sorry."
A kiss to my head and he finds my underwear. He slides them back up my legs. I sit and watch him pull his own back up. He tucks to the left. I love it. When he is perfect, he hands me a stack of papers.
"Just tell her I was being an asshole and held you up with all of this stuff."
I hop down from his desk. "What about lunch?"
He sits. "I'll just wait until we go home. If you come back in here again, I'm not so sure I'll let you leave."
I roll my eyes, but I love it.
Edward excuses himself once we get home. He stays in his room for a while and I wonder why. I find some things in the fridge that are idiot proof and make him a sandwich. I make one for one myself, too and try to wait, but he's taking too long. I set his plate on the coffee table and sit with mine. I'm onto my second half before I hear him come down.
"I made you a sandwich."
He scratches my head and sits next to me. His clothes are changed. He doesn't look relaxed though. The plate rests on his leg and he flips on the TV. He settles on something and takes a bite. I see him looking around. I set my plate down and go to the kitchen. I grab a few drinks and hand one to him.
"Thank you. You didn't have to get up. I'm just being lazy."
"It's alright." I go back to eating.
"I have to ask you for another favor, Bella." I look at him. "It's a huge favor, actually."
I grin. "Are you making a sex joke?"
His face stays serious. "Just listen, please." He sets his plate down. He thinks before he speaks.
"I was talking to Eleazar, upstairs. He called while I was working and left a message. Kate really started some shit with her big mouth." He rubs his face. My heart is begging for him not say what I think he's going to.
"They want us to come to Virginia and have dinner. They want to meet you." He looks at me. "They're fair people, Bella. They're concern is valid. If it was my child, I'd want to know who she'd be spending time with too when I wasn't around and it has nothing to do with your past. It just has to do with what good parents worry about."
And how the hell could I say no? I want to. I really fucking want to. But if I say no, I close a door to something that would crush him. A door I opened when I made myself a part of his life. I'm already being selfish by staying. I can't say no.
"This weekend. We'll fly there on Saturday."
I nod and go back to eating. He touches my face.
"Don't thank me. It only makes me feel even shittier."
And he doesn't fight me. He just rubs my face and goes back to eating. Rosalie doesn't show up for the rest of the week. Esme fills in and I get to stay home. Thank the Gods. As much as office sex is nice, so is not having to answer phones and pretending to fit in. I know he's stressed on the flight. I see it in his face. It hides nothing. I undo my safety-belt. I lean in to his ear. I'm trying to get a laugh.
"Want to be the first to enter my Mile High Club?" I'm lying, but he doesn't need to know this.
He smiles a little. "Behave, Bella. And please leave your seat-belt on."
I ignore him. "I'm small you know. I bet if you pull out the food tray I could fit under it and give you head without anyone seeing."
He turns his face towards me. He kisses my nose. He's pretends to be disappointed.
"It's like you don't know me at all, Bella."
I smile. "Well then what would make you happy?"
"A very precious Bella Swan putting her seat-belt on." More kisses on the nose. Lips too. "And that."
We arrive to Virginia and check into our hotel. Edward spares no expense. This place is nice. Modern and rich. You could probably eat off the floors. He holds the door for me, allowing me entry into our room. My jaw might have hit my knees a little. I tried to hide that shit. Thankfully, he was behind me.
One bed. Nice. The living room area is just fucking….I am definitely making use of those couches. Let's just put it that way. I peek into the bathroom and I feel like doing a happy dance. There is a huge tub. That is on my list, too. Edward sits the luggage on the dresser.
"Dinner isn't until eight. Take your time getting dressed and…" he waves his hand. "Whatever it is girls do when they get dressed."
I smile and fall back on the bed. "I'd have to be undressed first, you know." I waggle my brows at him and finally a smile.
"We don't have that much time, Bella."
And my toes tingle.
Edward looks stunning as we head out. He holds my hand I know he's scared. I tighten my fingers around his and I'm scared too. I don't know what will happen if they reject me. I don't know what that will mean. I feel like I'm walking towards the end of the line. He loves Bree. He adores her. There's no way he will trade her for me. I don't want him to. Their house is nice. It's rich and lavish and I want to run.
"Carmen, Eleazar, this is Bella."
And I have to shake their hands. I feel like they don't want to. It's already a lost cause. They have already rejected me. I'm only two feet in the door and I am not welcomed. I can't run. I hate it and I don't want this, but for him, I will.
People dressed in uniforms serve us. I taste none of it. I try to take small bites and eat slow. I try not to choke or spill anything. I put my napkin in my lap and try to be a lady.
Carmen looks at me. "What do your parent's do?"
I settle my fork down. My hands go to my lap. They wring the napkin. "My father was a Police Chief. My mother was a homemaker, but she used to be an accountant. Before I was born."
She cuts her meat. She doesn't look at me. "And where do they live?"
"My father passed away. My mother lives in Phoenix."
She looks up and chews. Swallows. "I'm sorry to hear that."
I don't think she means it. I nod. "Thank you."
They ask a million more questions. Each one growing more uncomfortable. I feel Edward's hand on my knee and he is trying to say he is sorry. There is nothing to feel sorry for, though. Bree is not here. I understand why. Eleazar turns the spotlight on Edward.
"I have to say I am not happy about this at all, Edward. I expected better from you. Your family is so respected. I always trusted you. I sure as hell never thought I'd have to question whether or not my daughter was safe in your presence."
Edward puts his fork down. "I'm sorry. I should have allowed you to meet Bella before I brought Bree around someone new. It was my mistake. I know Bella and I trust her, but I understand your concern. I just hope that you can trust me enough to believe that when I tell you there is nothing to be concerned over, that you can. Do."
Carmen shakes her head.
Eleazar keeps cutting him at the knees. "This isn't that simple and you know it. I'm not trying to be rude, but let's be real here. You didn't exactly move a new housekeeper into your home, Edward. You moved someone with a very…troublesome and questionable past into your home, that for all I know, could still have ties and habits to such behavior. I don't feel safe knowing these types of elements are so close to Brianna."
Carmen chimes in. "I don't either. We work very hard to keep her out of harms way. We send her to a good private school. All of our staff is rigorously checked out before they enter our home and you so carelessly let her into yours without any regard for our feelings and attempts to keep her safe."
Edward. "I do have regard and respect for you and all you do for Bree. I honestly do. It was a stupid mistake, like I said. I'm trying to fix it. I'm here and I'm trying to fix it. You know that I love Bree and I would never hurt her.
"That's what I am trying to say when I defend Bella. I'm not defending myself, I'm just trying to say that I know Bella would never hurt her. I never left them alone, either. I was always there. I would never hurt her. You have to believe that I would never hurt her. Can't you?"
Carmen sighs. Eleazar speaks up. "I'm not sure. I'm just really not sure."
And I am done.
"This is such bullshit."
"Bella," Edward warns.
"No, I'm sorry, but it is. The truth is that you all know what kind of person Edward is. I think he showed that to you when he let someone cut out his fucking kidney and stick it in your kid. He saved her life and you bring him here and make him practically beg you not to shut him out?
"Doesn't that tell you something? Doesn't the fact that he didn't shrug it off and just not give a shit tell you something about him? You could say in the beginning that maybe he was just doing this because, yeah, okay, he was married to Bree's Aunt. It's a fucking rock and a hard place to be in…but she's dead. She's fucking dead and he is still sitting right here giving a shit about her Niece.
"You all should be worshiping his feet. You all should be looking at your daughter and feeling fucking thankful she's alive and gets to live having someone in her in life –the person who saved it – love her and look out for her and put her on a goddamn pedestal so high you can't even reach it. 'Cause Lord fucking knows what happens to someone when there isn't."
And they know what I mean. And I'm done with this bullshit. And the porch steps are much nicer than their designer stupid goddamn table made of gold and betrayal. It's a long while before Edward comes out. He sits next to me. There's only one thing I can think to say.
He puts his arm around me. "Don't be. Your little….speech…actually did some good. They're not banning me from seeing Bree, at least. Carmen actually said you were right. She even said she was sorry."
"She should be."
Edward kisses my head and pulls me into him. "It's late. We should get going back to the hotel."
And these words are the only fucking thing that has sounded good all night.